The List
![[Score History]](/images/profile/chart/2594)
![[Score History]](/images/profile/chart/2594/print)
An update on my ovaries and general life
As you can see I have changed my title. I’ve been cringing about pinkstuffing for a while and Salsa dancing with my confusion seemed more fitting for my current life status. Some new stuff on my sidebar; my cast of characters, notes to self (shamelesly stealing JS's idea). I'll update my 'notes to self' weekly with lessons learned that hopefuly might be a warning to others. So check those out!
I finally got myself to the doctor. Unfortunately my MD was on vacation so I had to go to this other (male) doctor whom I’m not a big fan off. The first thing he told me was that this was not abnormal (I’m bleeding for 40 days, are you for real?) and that I might just have a dysfunctional period (oh really? Wow! Who would have thought right?) He said that my hormones could just have gotten messed up due to for example stress and once your cycle is messed up it doesn’t easily regulates itself back. But just to make sure he had me take a pelvic ultrasound. I was also put on hormone pills to stop my period and regulate it again. I was happy that the pills worked but was still nervous about receiving my ultrasound results. Now a couple of weeks ago I went back to get my results and it turns out that I have a couple of cysts in my ovaries. The doctor said that this might lead to me having polycystic ovaries syndrome. The only weird thing is that when I googled this it says that people with cysts in their ovaries almost never get their periods, which is the opposite of my problem. The plan now is to have me come back in a couple of weeks to do another pelvic ultrasound to monitor the situation with my cysts. In the meantime I shouldn’t panic. I’m not too worried, but cyst can turn cancerous or lead to infertility so I’m really really hoping that they don’t get worse (keep your fingers crossed for me!)
On Valentine’s Day I finally hooked up with Surfer. And last week things reached a new level between me and tanned Dutchman (trust me when I say more on this later!) And Mr. Shorty is anxiously pursuing me (it’s not great). But hey, despite this all being platonic at least I have 3 new men in my life! God I finally have a life again!
I’m currently working as a receptionist at an eco Resort. It’s very pretty and luxurious (despite being an eco resort). Most of my colleagues are in their twenties or early thirties which makes work fun. It’s a great job with a great salary considering my only completed education is high school. Thank god it entails so so much more than just hosting guest, booking tours and answering phones. Every day is a different diverse day with a new small crisis, and I absolutely love that! Most guests are great, and the annoying ones only provide me with great anecdotes for cocktail parties. I kept my other job at the restaurant though, I work there two nights a week and it’s still fun. With working at the Resort for 3 days a week and two nights a week at the restaurant, I only have two days off the week completely off. But it’s alright, 'cause it keeps me busy.
A thank you note to blogland
I would like to thank each and every one of you who commented on my last post. I mean it, from the bottom of my heart. You all might have no idea how much this meant to me. I wrote that in a mood of desperation in a time where I felt far away from everybody and felt like I had no one to talk to. All my friends from home had flown back to their respective colleges and there was no prospect of me reuniting with my college friends. I just felt very lonely. Every single comment I received was a new encouragement.
Sorry I left ya’ll in the dark for so long. For a while after my last posts I have not really been ‘living’. I had stopped contact with most of my friends, temporarily deactivated facebook and led a life of strictly work and sleep. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t all bad there were days that I was happy and I have been functioning more than well at work, because work is a great distraction. Other than while working I haven’t really been living. My room was a mess I never cleaned; I rarely got out of it and was very unproductive at home. I believe there is one word that sums this all up and it is: Depression. Pap just calls it being lethargic.
I have now been crystallizing my plans and I’m proud to say that since the 2 weeks or so I’ve been acting like a normal person, you know someone who goes out, has a drink with friends and does things such as do her laundry and bringing her checks to the bank. Life basically is a choice, and choice is a funny word. The choice to live, the choice to move forward, the choice to change things, the choice to stop living below your potential.
After this post I’ll post an update on everything, I thought it be easier to separate them, for structural reasons (I’m weird like that)Thank you all so so much !!! I love blogland! And all my readers
I will bleed to death
My mind is racing. I'm scared shitless. This is probably the worse post to come back with. I know I've been MIA from the blog world, and I had wished to come back with another post.
But I have no one to talk to right now, and I'm very restless( very sad right?)
I hereby apologize to all male readers, and will urge them not to read further if they do not want to be grossed out. This is way beyond TMI.
I have been bleeding now since the 27th of December. And by bleeding I mean I have had my period ever since. Well it did sort of go away for 2 days, and then the spotting started again. It's been on and off since then.
I know what you are thinking : why the fuck haven't you been to a doctor since fucking ages ago? It's because I'm a stupid coward. My period has been weird since November. The kind of thing where I'd get my period twice a month.
At first I related it to stress, since I have been under a lot of stress lately and I'm definitly sleep deprived. So I thought the stress was just messing with my hormones.
Around the beginning of December I swore that If I got my period again I would go to the doctor. Then I got it on the 27th, I ignored the whole going to the doctor thing because I was to busy partying. Then around the 6th of January I thought; hmm why do I still have my period so I decided that action must be taken.
I'm ashamed to say that since then I have yet to show up at my doctor. I was supposed to go and simply slept through it. If you don't have an appointment the rule is you have to show up before 8:15 am. 8:15 am is a non-existent time for me if I don't have commitments.
So I've been stalling and stalling.
I know that I'm messing with my health and that this is not funny.
But I am just so so so afraid. I have nightmares the doctor might tell me that I won't be able to get kids, and therefor crash all my future soccermom dreams.
I know typical things people might suggest could be the case to explain this all:
a) you are having a miscarriage
b) you are pregnant
c) you have an std
Recently a friend emailed me about having a long period and said that they suggested it could be either A or B. And I thought; omg mine has definitely been there more days than hers, but my case is different.
I'm 98 % neither of these apply to me because last time I had sex(intercourse) was in fricking April ( yeah I know sad right)
And during May, June, July, September and October I was fine. So I can not possibly be pregnant from that hook up in April. We used a condom and I was on birth control.
It can't be an std because none of the symptoms match me,and if so they should have show up earlier.
Also April was right after I got tested for the first time for everything.
I had never been tested before and my gyn suggested that since I was a sexually active college student I should get tested just to be absolutely sure, despite me not having any complains what so ever.So I did, and all came back good. So April guy is the only guy after my tests, and again it wasn't unprotected sex.
My hormones could be messed up , but there hasn't been anything to alter them lately, I stopped my birth control all the way in June and was fine then.
This week I stopped having my period , just on Monday. Today I went to the bathroom and it was back in full force. Not a little spotting but a heavy flow. It scared the hell out of me.
What the f is wrong with me?????? This is a very scary mystery.
I am very scared, I'm having all sort of nightmares. I do not want anything to be wrong with my " ladyparts".
I want kids, and a healthy sex life.I was sobbing uncontrollably earlier.
My apologies if this post lacks proper grammar and isn't very coherent, my mind is just not sane at all right now.